ineke.co.uk

Herbert the vacuum seems a little dramatic pic.twitter.com/pa2TlmYSAf

— Kyle (@kylewendland) January 3, 2021

This attitude is sickening. It leads to shame and fear of something utterly natural. It should be condemned. Tampons are obscene imagery? How in the world does he cope in a pharmacy?? https://t.co/EO73SXzQkS

— Katharine W-R (@kwelbyroberts) January 2, 2021

After 2020 I'm never going to question why they keep opening up Jurassic Park despite obvious safety issues.

— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 1, 2021

I've been making this argument since June, but there's a difference between saying "schools are (largely) safe for children" – which they are – and "schools are safe", which, in the context of higher transmission to households and the community, when R is above 1, they're not

— Jane Merrick (@janemerrick23) January 3, 2021

The issue is transmission, Kirstie. Children transmit to their teachers & each other at school, & from there into their homes. Parents, siblings & grandparents are then affected. The NHS is overwhelmed. This is much worse than April. Keeping schools open will cost untold lives. https://t.co/lz5QImoHBS

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) January 3, 2021

Apparently children are safe to go to school today, as long as they’re carrying a Scotch Egg.

— Sue Perkins 💙 (@sueperkins) January 4, 2021

The PM keeps saying the Oxford vaccine is alright at 'room temperature' as opposed to the actual 'fridge temperature' it needs, but to be fair, he does spend a lot of his time in fridges.

— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) January 3, 2021

MARCH 2020
Cases soaring
Scientists call for lockdown
Johnson hesitates
1000s die

OCTOBER 2020
Cases soaring
Scientists call for lockdown
Johnson hesitates
1000s die

JAN 2021
Cases soaring
Scientists call for lockdown
Johnson hesitates
1000s will die.

He’s learnt nothing.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 3, 2021

Shocked by this appallingly tin-eared tweet from @NHSEngland. People are dying of Covid all over Europe right now and – what? – we are meant to celebrate the fact that we’re vaccinating faster than them? My God 😔 pic.twitter.com/lg5FJRacTK

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) January 3, 2021

We've helped make shows that have won Emmys and Baftas but this is still the best thing we have ever done https://t.co/R2lYBqDyxN

— Dave (@davechannel) January 3, 2021

Too scared to lead, too scared to be unpopular.

— stefanstern (@stefanstern) January 3, 2021

An interesting game of winter catch. And what's being caught? She's playing along.#dog #cutenessoverload
(hdbrosriley IG) pic.twitter.com/Mus3J56B67

— Golden Retriever Channel (@GoldretrieverUS) January 3, 2021

I didn't close my church today. It remained open. We worshipped together. We prayed together. We sang together. We had tea and coffee and laughed together. We just did that online. And as a bonus, noone caught COVID-19.

— Andy Fitchet (@AndyFitchet) January 3, 2021

I don't like this incomprehensible series of TV shorts where a strange blond haired man appears and tells us the opposite of what he's been saying for the last week. I'm disappointed they seem to be recommissioning it for 2021.

— Patrick J L Davies (@RevPatrickD) January 4, 2021

Oh dear, I think something deeply depressing is coming at 8 o’clock.

But if you don’t feel like watching Only Connect, there’s a government announcement on the other channel.

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) January 4, 2021

It must be hard for Boris to understand home-schooling when he doesn't even appear that keen on home-parenting

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) January 4, 2021

When Jeremy Hunt begins to sound like the rational and intelligent wing of the Tory party you are in very serious trouble.

— bob evans (@thebobevans) January 4, 2021

I always knew I’d have to cancel 3 weddings, I just never thought they’d all be to the same woman

— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) January 4, 2021

Thoughts with the parent at my son’s school who offered to have the class guinea pig over the Xmas holidays & is now in for the long haul

— Will Wood (@MMWillWood) January 4, 2021

While I appreciate this lockdown is bad news for a lot of people, it feels particularly harsh on those of us who are forced to share a house with Boris Johnson.

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 4, 2021

I'm not saying I'd make a better Prime Minister than Boris, but this would be my manifesto: pic.twitter.com/FCcBNysNwY

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) January 5, 2021

The BBC is bringing its biggest ever education offer from Monday 11 January:

📚 @CBBC will have a three-hour block of primary school programming from 9am.

📚 @BBCTwo will cater for secondary students with at least two hours of content each weekday.https://t.co/NXpJSb7AHm pic.twitter.com/fyjvs4yWgW

— BBC Press Office (@bbcpress) January 5, 2021

Tradition says you've got to take your Christmas tree down today. Well, stuff tradition. Turn it into a Pancake Day tree. Or leave it up till Easter. Or Halloween. Why not strap a barrel of gunpowder on and blast it into the sky on Bonfire Night? The rules don't apply anymore.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 6, 2021

It's not like anyone can come round and see it's still up…

— innocent drinks (@innocent) January 6, 2021

Just had our food shop delivered a few hours early because the driver had more deliveries to make than normal as 15 drivers have been contacted by track and trace today. I am SO grateful for our key workers. #covid

— Katharine W-R (@kwelbyroberts) January 6, 2021

There are no ITU beds in the valleys. So you might be 23 and invincible if you get COVID but what if you crash your car? Or a friend takes an overdose or a parent needs emergency surgery? Guess what! No beds for you either. And THAT’S how this affects everyone. Rant over.

— Issy Phillips (@issypips) January 4, 2021

Absolutely no to this… enough hollow empty gestures pic.twitter.com/2PXYoPANOh

— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) January 6, 2021

Not only do the NHS have to do more work because of the spike in cases but they also have to vaccinate us all as quickly as possible, pretty sure that deserves a pay rise not faux patriotic nonsense. https://t.co/i3KFVB5Ulg

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) January 6, 2021

I’m a nurse. Please don’t start #clapforheroes. It feels like a hollow and empty gesture to many NHS staff. Instead:

Stay home.

Wear a mask when you have to go out.

Wash your hands.

Stop spreading misinformation.

Don’t be selfish.

Don’t vote Tory.

— Loose Cannon (@misskirstielou) January 6, 2021

We should train all Amazon delivery drivers to give the vaccine. The whole population would be immunised by Saturday. Thursday if you've got Prime.

— Andrew Bloch (@AndrewBloch) January 5, 2021

putting soup in a square tupperware…… it’s just not right. it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup

— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 6, 2021

I haven't stopped laughing and think I never will pic.twitter.com/hkYs1bdKSi

— Lydia Nicholas (@LydNicholas) January 5, 2021

BUSINESS IDEA: Booze brand called 'Responsibly' so that all your marketing is done by competitors' ads saying 'please drink responsibly'.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) January 6, 2021

Maybe kick him off Twitter then pic.twitter.com/oWj8HP8PgO

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 6, 2021

This is what it means to take the name of the Lord in vain. pic.twitter.com/5KFpXro8GY

— Brian Zahnd (@BrianZahnd) January 6, 2021

He should be tried, imprisoned, and digitally removed from Home Alone 2.

— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) January 6, 2021

Maybe they're all just there to help him move his stuff out and we've misread the whole thing.

— cluedont (@cluedont) January 6, 2021

We’re still only in week one of 2021.

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) January 6, 2021

If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States

— Mohamad Safa (@mhdksafa) January 6, 2021

Dear all bosses, none of us can come into work today because we spent the entirety of last night doom scrolling the internet. We will try again tomorrow now.

— Dave (@davechannel) January 7, 2021

This is deadly serious & important, but if you’re not also picturing a brilliant episode of W1A 1AA in your head then we could never be friends https://t.co/S8ayOgTpwq

— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) January 7, 2021

It has now been six years since One Direction came up on Only Connect and @VictoriaCoren *lost* it because the contestants had no idea who the band members were. pic.twitter.com/FNrsmyX8Th

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 6, 2021

If Mike Pence becomes the 46th President for 12 days, he’ll be a real favourite for quizzers in future generations. Like Spencer Perceval here.

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) January 8, 2021

pic.twitter.com/jWNTi6GaIZ

— Simon McCoy (@SimonMcCoyTV) January 7, 2021

The word ‘papa' means Pope (Italian), father (English), shark (Swahili), arse (Maori) and potato (Quechua)

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 8, 2021

This rebranding by Burger King is trippy and amazing.

See the K.
See the Burger.

Now see the B. 🤯 pic.twitter.com/8wgO2QdhcA

— Patrick Schreiner ☧ (@pj_schreiner) January 8, 2021

When I didn’t do Fridays, all the funny stuff seemed to happen on a Thursday and I had to wait until Monday to talk about it.

Midday Friday:

Oh for fu… https://t.co/bqImnZyg2L

— Greg James (@gregjames) January 8, 2021

Ofsted has been deluged with 5,000 emails praising schools since @GavinWilliamson told parents to contact the watchdog with complaints https://t.co/zpayRzXurV pic.twitter.com/FFfU9NBl41

— Schools Week (@SchoolsWeek) January 8, 2021

Pause your doom scrolling and enjoy the enthusiasm of this small human. Lord, grant me the same confidence https://t.co/jpqbBr9Hnq

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) January 8, 2021

Eight days in and I think we’ve learnt Remainers weren’t fearmongering about the consequences of reality and Brexiters couldn’t wish away problems by believing in Britain

— Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) January 8, 2021

On Christmas Day, the official UK coronavirus death toll passed 70,000. Today, it has passed 80,000. 10,000 lives lost in just over two weeks. A truly horrifying statistic. Please take this lockdown seriously, we are all responsible for helping to bring this under control

— Jane Merrick (@janemerrick23) January 9, 2021

2,251,238 strikes and you’re out… https://t.co/GfRPp6UUCJ

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 8, 2021

Dear Twitter, I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em pic.twitter.com/belRoUR3BE

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 9, 2021